What drives a woman to undergo cosmetic surgery? Is it an expression of autonomy over one’s body, or do these procedures perpetuate the ongoing “patriarchal control of women’s bodies”? Before diving deeper, I want to clarify my definition of patriarchal control of women’s bodies. I am referring to the ongoing control, scrutiny, and manipulation of women’s physical appearance to conform to ideals ingrained in patriarchal values. This concept fuels a complicated cultural narrative around beauty and aging, which I wrestle with daily.
I am a white, cisgender, post-menopausal woman, and I question this slim (no pun intended) narrative that society imposes on me as I grow older, despite my privilege. Are we being fed lies about what it means to age? Where do I fit into this framework, and how do these societal standards affect my self-esteem?
All of these questions are swirling in my mind as I navigate the challenges of living in a society that, while offering many opportunities, places immense pressure on me to conform to unrealistic ideals of beauty and thinness. I thought we had moved past all of that!
Unrealistic beauty standards have a significant influence on our Western society, starting from the moment we are born. We are taught that having flawless skin and remaining ageless as we grow older is closely tied to societal expectations of beauty. I firmly believe that it creates a harmful cycle, as many of us do not fit naturally into that narrow definition.
Beauty is a social construct that influences how we navigate our environment. When I align with the societal ideals of beauty, it stands to reason that I will receive better treatment, have more opportunities and be viewed as more valuable in society. Of course, if I don’t fit this mould, I am discarded and made to feel invisible, and this experience intensifies as I age.
Add to this the medicalization of aging, which treats natural transitions, like menopause, as conditions that need to be managed rather than opportunities for reflection and celebration. The beauty industry, along with the media and social norms, has created a vicious cycle where aging is not a BIOLOGICAL reality but a problem to be fixed with airbrushing, filters, cutting, tucking, covering, starving, medication, taping, binding, lifting, and sucking. Overall, these actions, cosmetic procedures, anti-aging products and filters, have reinforced the narrative that aging is undesirable and needs to be transformed or concealed.
Recently, I saw an image on a movie screen of a woman in her late 50s wearing a bathing suit. I only saw the backside, and I kid you not, her body looked so flawless, with legs like toothpicks, and was so smooth that it reminded me of a plastic Barbie doll. What impact do these images have on my self-perception? I wonder how it affects our collective consciousness to see aging erased or shown as something shameful.
As I get older – and I consider it a privilege to age – I am feeling more and more profoundly the weight of this narrative surrounding post-menopausal women. It seems to me that society often views us (or not haha), as invisible, unproductive and pushed aside. I know I am not alone in grappling with these feelings; conversations with my female friends and studies show that many of us share these concerns as we try to meet the early impossible standards.
From magazine covers – thank you, Martha Stewart – to streaming services that portray older women as ageless and HYPERSEXUALIXED (Is that all we are good for?), the pressure is relentless. I recognize that these images are curated and filtered, yet they still seep into my consciousness and whisper that I am not enough as I am. This compels me to fight with every fibre of my being to conform to a narrow standard of acceptance.
I long for alternative narratives and remain hopeful! I want to see stories celebrating aging as a wonderful, transformative process that many of us in Western society have the privilege to experience. I want to see women being valued for their wisdom, experiences, and humanity. Beauty is merely a construct shaped by societal values and can be redefined by women. We have the power to challenge the status quo, to question why we feel the way we do about our bodies, to radically accept who we are and demand a broader, more inclusive definition of this social construct – if we even need it!
I am more than the sum of my wrinkles or their absence. I am complicated, interesting, alive and deserving of a world that recognizes me as such, regardless of my age.